I always feel a little strange when I come to Thailand. I technically hold a Thai passport in addition to my US passport and am a dual citizen. I spent 5 years of my youth in this country (ages 9-14), formative years for sure. I'd like to say they were all positive, but they weren't. I moved to Thailand too Americanized, and spent my awkward adolescent years learning a language I was only loosely familiar with, in a place I where I was neither foreign nor native. I did pick up the language eventually, but being kicked around from Thai public schools (where I would routinely fail exams because I read and wrote at a preschool level) to elitist private international schools (where I was bullied for being skinny, ugly, and out of place) took a toll on my psyche. I like to say I left with a trunk load of baggage: some of it good, some of it bad.
It's because of these experiences, as well as my American accented Thai, that I always feel halfway out of place in my second country. I love coming here, and I could see myself living here one day, but I think I'll always be perpetually half a foreigner, half a native.
Anyways, here are some general observations I have about Bangkok; stuff that I notice immediately upon landing and getting out into the world.
- Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles, there's a reason for this. The people are generally absurdly nice, but I think what's more the case is that Thailand is a service oriented country. I'm struck by how absurdly helpful and polite service people are here. Every interaction is absurdly deferential, as if you're doing them a favor just by existing there. And they love foreigners and will go out of their way to make you feel at home. For a culture that doesn't tip, it's kind of an amazing thing.
- The women in Thailand are absurdly beautiful. If you like skinny Asian girls in heels, Bangkok is the place for you. My friend and I joked that you could apply a "stones throw" method of gauging how beautiful the women are in Thailand. That is, if you threw a rock into a crowd of people, there is a positive chance that you'd hit someone you'd probably sleep with without much of a second thought.
- That being said, the women here (and the men, to a lesser extent) are afflicted a "Western standard of beauty". Thai people are naturally darker skinned than their other Asian counterparts (Chinese, Korean, etc.). For whatever reason, one of the standards of beauty here is lighter skin. This is such a ingrained norm that women walk around with umbrellas in broad daylight, darker skinned women power themselves to the point where they look literally clownish, and dermatology is a big business here. All the big movie stars are either light skinned Thais or half-white.
- Thais have no qualms about saying things to you that would be considered extremely rude in other cultures. This includes: calling you out for being tan, and calling you out for being fat. I don't consider myself fat by any stretch of the imagination, but last year when I came maybe a few pounds over weight. I got tired of the amount of crap I got about it, not just from family, but from casual acquaintances. I guess that's why everybody's skinny here: unrelenting Asian weight shame. If you think the weight shame in America is bad, you really haven't seen anything until you've been to Asia.
- It is really very very hard to pick up girls at bars and clubs in Thailand. Why? Because everything is table service. Even in the clubs. All table service. And, not only that, but Thais generally go out in huge groups - like groups of 15 or more. Combine all these things and it's generally pretty difficult to pick up strangers in Thailand. From what I know, people usually meet each other through social circles or are set up. Online dating is mostly Thai girls looking for white guys.
- Thai people walk fucking slow. I just had to say it. Walking around here makes me want to scream.
- They also don't sweat. I don't understand how this is possible.
- When I tell people in America I'm coming to Thailand, the response is usually "watch out for the lady boys". It's a little irritating, but Thai transsexuals do have a reputation of being the best looking trannies in the world. This is generally accurate. I'm definitely seen and talked to some before and if you didn't talk to them, you'd think, wow, that's a hot girl. But then you start talking to them and something is just... off. Their voices are just a little deep, they're just a little too tall, their hands a little too big. In any case, ladyboys hang out in very specific locations, as well as hookers. If you don't go to the red light district or into massage parlors, you wont run into any, plain and simple.
Anyways, that's what I have for you all for now. But, look for some cool Thailand related blog posts in the future. This includes
- An interview with a Thai hooker and my experiences as a red light district spy. This one will be fun to tell.
- The story of the worst date ever (it took place in Thailand).
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