So it's been about a month since Hannah and I split, and I think I'm mostly over it. I'd say maybe about 85% over it. Seeing pictures of us together and driving by places where we went out doesn't make me feel that stabbing sensation in my chest anymore, and I realize now that she likely wasn't the right girl for me. It's pretty typical to idealize a relationship right after you've broken up, but now that the dust of heartbreak has settled, I can look back and see that while she is a sweet girl, she just didn't really want to accommodate my relationship needs at all. I'm not a very demanding guy, but I do have wants and needs, and I don't see relationships as a "zero-sum" game where one person getting their needs met means the other person needs to sacrifice their needs. I think that Hannah saw our relationship dynamic that way, and reacted accordingly.
In any case, I know I'm better because I'm certainly thinking about her much less, and talking about her much less too. The cold turkey thing is stunningly effective - I had her worked out of my system in more or less three weeks. For the first three weeks, I kept on expecting or hoping that she'd be in touch; that she would send me a longing text, email, or show up at my door to tell me that she missed me. That never happened, and, over time, that want faded away. While there are still remnants there, and while I still miss her, I think I just miss being close to someone. That's perfectly normal.
The question now is, what next? There are generally two strategies to get over a breaking up.
1) "The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else." AKA, the Rebound strategy.
2) "Take a break and rediscover who you are." AKA, the Eat Pray Love strategy.
I'm sure both of these strategies are equally effective for different people, but for my part, I spent the better part of the last week doing the Rebound strategy. Part of it is that a lot of men sort of adhere by that strategy and several of my guy friends were intent on getting me "back out there" to get my groove back.
Honestly, the results have been somewhat mixed. Last Wednesday I went to a speed dating thing, which was an utter waste of my time and money. I'd like to write a hilarious and funny story about it here, but there's not much to say other than it kinda sucked. I'm really not sure how you can connect with someone based on five minutes of small talk, but I didn't feel it from a single woman there. I think I checked no on all but maybe two of the ladies, and they must not have been feeling it too, because they did the same. I left the speed dating event feeling down because I was reminded as to how much trial and error you have to go through to meet someone you really connect with. I had a mini-heartbreak resurgence, and was tempted to give Hannah a call, but it quelled before I could do anything stupid.
The next day I went to a Cocktails for Choice fundraiser for planned parenthood thing (solo, no less) and decided to just wing it. I was going to talk to people and not care about numbers or outcomes. The ratio was absurdly favorable - 3:1 female to male, and all around the 20's to 30's age range. And I actually did get a couple numbers out of there (though none I really care to call, for other reasons) and had an overall good time. But I didn't really "feel it" with any of the ladies I talked too. I don't know whether I was blocking myself or whether it was a legitimate lack of flirtatious energy. It was a little exhilarating to go out solo and without a wing man and to just be brave. It's nice to know that, at least when it comes to that, I'm still perfectly capable of overcoming my fear of introducing myself and talking to attractive women I don't know.
Finally, I went to a singles event with my good friend and mentor Jonathan, who functions very well as my go to wing man when I'm single. Jonathan is single in his early 40's and is "unique" in that he actually likes women his own age, so we don't usually target the same demographic. He has the wisdom of a man who's been single and in relationships all of his life - like a grizzled veteran who's seen all the moves, he can tell me exactly what's going on in certain situations and can talk me down from my neuroses. We go to a lot of mixed age single events together where he talks to older ladies and I talk to younger ones, unless I happen to catch the eye of a cougar.
This event was some sort of absurd "Zodiac sign" event where people put their sign on their name tags and broke off into "compatible" groups. I actually think astrology is a load of bunk, but hey, I can play along, especially since it seems as though so many women (even smart, scientific, logical thinking ones) really believe the stuff.
In any case, the event kinda sucked. A lot of the guys there seemed to be really weird, and this scared away like 50% of the ladies before I could even talk to any of them. I was about to cash in my chips for the night until Jason and I started to talk to these two nurses who were among the last women there. And, all of a sudden, it was totally on with me and one of the nurses. I felt "it". We were flirting. Exchanging looks. Touching. Some guy came and tried to butt in, but she kept on looking my way. I could tell that she wanted to keep talking to me. She was a little older than me, but totally cute... maybe a bit cougarish, but what do I care? Maybe she could've been a nice send off before my Southeast Asia trip...
But I froze. I didn't ask for her number. I don't know why. It was right there, right in front of me, hanging slider right at the heart of the plate, and I let it fly by for a strike.
Afterwards, Jonathan asked me what I was thinking, and I didn't have any good answers. I was definitely attracted to her. But you know what, maybe it is too soon. Maybe I'm just not suited for strategy no. 1. My big trip to Southeast Asia is coming up, so maybe it's time to give strategy no. 2 a shot - Eat. Pray. Love.
So, I bought a copy of Eat Pray Love, which I'm going to read on the plane, and my only goal for the month of September is to have an adventure every day I'm out there. Whether this leads to food, friends, or love, who knows, all I know is that I want stories to tell when I come back. Maybe it can help heal the scab that remains on my soul.
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